key takeaways

Understand the true meaning of having high standards
Learn how to maintain standards in relationships and career
Discover strategies for dealing with pressure to lower your standards
Master the balance between high standards and realistic expectations

Have you ever been told your standards are too high? In today's fast-paced world of quick fixes and instant gratification, maintaining high personal standards can feel like swimming against the tide. Yet these standards aren't just arbitrary rules—they're the foundation of self-respect, personal growth, and meaningful relationships.

what having high standards really means

Let's dispel a common myth: having high standards isn't about being perfectionist or unreasonably demanding. At its core, maintaining high standards means developing a deep understanding of your personal worth and refusing to compromise on the values that define you. It's about recognising that in life, the quality of our experiences and relationships far outweighs their quantity. This understanding naturally leads to the development of meaningful relationships built on a foundation of mutual respect and shared values. When you maintain high standards, you're making a conscious choice to prioritise long-term fulfilment over short-term convenience, understanding that temporary compromises often lead to lasting regrets.

The Difference Between High Standards and Perfectionism

High standards often get conflated with perfectionism, but they're fundamentally different:

High Standards:

Focus on continuous growth and improvement
Allow for learning from mistakes
Centre on personal values and authenticity
Prioritise meaningful progress

perfectionism;

Demands flawlessness
Punishes mistakes harshly
Centres on external validation
Prioritises appearance over substance

having high standards: A Complete Guide to Setting and Maintaining Personal Standards in 2024

a well dressed woman with high standards wearing heels sitting outside a building

Why Society Pushes Against High Standards

Modern society often encourages us to lower our standards, suggesting we're being "too picky" or "unrealistic." This pressure comes from several sources:

The Culture of Convenience

We live in an era of instant gratification, where depth and quality often take a backseat to speed and convenience. Dating apps promote quantity over quality, whilst social media celebrates surface-level connections.

By embracing high standards in relationships, you attract meaningful connections while filtering out time-wasters. If you’ve been searching for advice on “how to have high standards in dating,” the answer lies in self-awareness. Know what you want, and don’t settle for less.

Fear-Based Advice

Well-meaning friends and family might encourage you to "settle" out of:

Fear of loneliness
Societal pressure
Cultural expectations
Misunderstanding of what high standards truly mean

a man with high standards holding a newspaper

the core components of high standards

1.Self Respect

At their heart, high standards stem from self-respect. This foundational element of personal development manifests in various crucial ways. First and foremost, it involves developing a deep appreciation for the value of your time and energy, understanding that these resources are finite and precious. This awareness naturally leads to more intentional choices about how and with whom you spend your time.

Self-respect also means cultivating a strong sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on external validation. This internal confidence becomes the backbone of your decision-making process, allowing you to set and maintain healthy boundaries in all areas of life. Perhaps most importantly, self-respect empowers you to recognize and reject disrespectful behaviour, understanding that accepting such treatment only diminishes your own standards over time.

2.clear values

High standards require unwavering clarity about your personal values. This clarity isn't something that happens by chance—it's developed through conscious reflection and life experience. The journey begins with deep introspection to understand what truly matters most to you, beyond societal expectations or external pressures. This process helps identify your non-negotiables, those core principles that you refuse to compromise on regardless of circumstances.

Through this self-discovery, you develop a clearer vision of your life goals and aspirations. These aren't just vague ideas about success or happiness, but rather specific, value-aligned objectives that guide your decision-making. The real power of clear values lies in maintaining consistency in your choices, ensuring that your daily actions align with your broader life principles. This alignment creates a sense of authenticity and purpose that strengthens your resolve to maintain high standards.

3.emotional intelligence

High standards in relationships demand emotional intelligence:

Recognising and managing your own emotions
Understanding others' perspectives
Communicating effectively
Setting and respecting boundaries

setting high standards in different areas of life

High Standards in Dating and Relationships

High standards in relationships fundamentally transform how we approach romantic connections. When you maintain high standards in dating and partnerships, you naturally seek emotional availability and maturity in potential partners. This means looking for individuals who can engage in deep, meaningful conversations and handle conflicts with grace and understanding.

High Standards at Work: Professional Excellence

Professional high standards form the bedrock of a meaningful and successful career trajectory. Excellence isn't just about meeting deadlines or achieving targets—it's about consistently delivering work that you can be proud of, work that reflects your capabilities and commitment to quality. This means going beyond the bare minimum and seeking ways to add value in everything you do.

High Standards in Personal Development

The journey of personal growth requires maintaining high standards for yourself. This includes your daily habits, learning goals, and how you handle challenges. By setting high standards for personal development, you create a framework for continuous improvement and achievement.

High Standards in friendships

Quality friendships deserve the same high standards we apply to other areas of life. True friendship is built on a foundation of mutual respect and support, where both parties actively contribute to each other's well-being and growth. This means being there during both celebrations and challenges, offering honest feedback when needed, and showing up consistently for one another.

The essence of genuine connection in friendship goes beyond surface-level interactions or social media exchanges. It involves sharing authentic experiences, engaging in meaningful conversations, and being vulnerable enough to show your true self. These connections often develop naturally when you maintain high standards in choosing and nurturing friendships.

Shared values form the cornerstone of lasting friendships. While friends need not be identical in their beliefs or lifestyles, alignment in core values ensures that the friendship can weather challenges and grow stronger over time. This alignment often manifests in similar approaches to life's important decisions and mutual understanding of each other's principles.

Growth and encouragement in friendships create a dynamic where both individuals can evolve and thrive. High-standard friendships involve celebrating each other's successes without jealousy, supporting each other's dreams without judgment, and providing constructive feedback when needed. Such friendships become a source of inspiration and motivation, pushing both parties to become their best selves.

High Standards in career

Integrity in the workplace is equally crucial. It involves making decisions that align with your values, even when facing pressure to do otherwise. This might mean speaking up about unethical practices, taking responsibility for mistakes, or ensuring transparency in your dealings with colleagues and clients.

The pursuit of continuous improvement drives professional growth. This involves staying current with industry developments, seeking feedback on your work, and actively looking for opportunities to expand your skills and knowledge. It's about viewing each challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than merely an obstacle to overcome.

Building meaningful professional relationships is another vital aspect of maintaining high standards at work. These aren't just superficial networking connections, but genuine professional relationships built on trust, mutual respect, and shared values. Such relationships often become the foundation of long-term career success, opening doors to new opportunities and collaborations.

How to Maintain High Standards Without Compromise

1.trust your judgement

Learning to trust your judgement is a crucial aspect of maintaining high standards. Your intuition, often shaped by past experiences and deep-seated values, serves as an invaluable guide in decision-making. It's essential to recognise that this inner voice isn't just random thoughts—it's the culmination of your life experiences, observations, and learned wisdom.

Past experiences, both positive and negative, contribute significantly to your ability to make sound judgements. These experiences aren't just memories; they're valuable lessons that help you recognise patterns and make better choices. By acknowledging and learning from these experiences, you develop a stronger sense of what works for you and what doesn't.

Standing firm in your values requires courage, especially when faced with opposition or doubt from others. This firmness isn't about being rigid or inflexible; rather, it's about having the confidence to maintain your standards even when it would be easier to lower them. Remember that your values have been shaped by your unique journey and understanding of what matters most in life.

Resisting pressure to lower your standards becomes easier when you trust your judgement. This pressure might come from various sources—friends, family, society at large—but your commitment to maintaining high standards should remain unwavering. Understanding that these standards serve as protective boundaries rather than limiting restrictions helps strengthen your resolve.

1.surround yourself with support

Creating a supportive environment is essential for maintaining high standards. Building relationships with like-minded individuals who understand and share your values provides invaluable reinforcement for your standards. These connections aren't just about finding people who think exactly like you—they're about creating a network of individuals who respect and support your commitment to excellence.

Sometimes, maintaining high standards requires making difficult decisions about existing relationships. This might mean gradually distancing yourself from those who consistently pressure you to settle for less than you deserve. While this process can be challenging, it's necessary for protecting your standards and well-being. The space created by stepping back from these relationships makes room for more supportive.

Seeking mentorship from those who successfully maintain high standards can provide invaluable guidance and inspiration. These mentors offer real-world examples of how to navigate challenges while staying true to your principles. Their experiences can serve as both motivation and practical guidance for your own journey.

Creating a community that supports your values goes beyond individual relationships. It involves actively seeking out and participating in groups, organisations, or communities where high standards are celebrated rather than questioned. This might include professional networks, social groups, or online communities where members share similar values and aspirations.

3.regular self-reflection

The practice of regular self-reflection is vital for maintaining and refining your high standards over time. This isn't merely about occasional introspection—it's about developing a consistent practice of examining your standards, choices, and their outcomes. Through regular review, you can ensure your standards continue to serve your growth and happiness rather than becoming rigid rules that no longer align with your evolving self.

The process of assessing whether your standards align with your values requires honest introspection. It's important to regularly examine whether your standards truly reflect your current values and aspirations, or if they're perhaps holdovers from past experiences or external expectations. This alignment check helps ensure your standards remain authentic and meaningful rather than arbitrary.

Making adjustments to your standards when necessary demonstrates wisdom rather than weakness. As you grow and gain new experiences, it's natural for some standards to evolve while others become more firmly established. The key is to approach these adjustments thoughtfully, ensuring they represent genuine growth rather than compromise.

Celebrating progress and growth is an often-overlooked aspect of maintaining high standards. Taking time to acknowledge how far you've come, the wisdom you've gained, and the positive outcomes of maintaining your standards provides motivation to continue on your chosen path. These celebrations need not be grand gestures—simply recognising and appreciating your growth can be powerful reinforcement.

common challenges and solutions

challenge: external pressure

One of the most significant challenges in maintaining high standards is managing external pressure to lower them. This pressure often comes from well-meaning friends, family members, or colleagues who may mistake your standards for unrealistic expectations or unnecessary pickiness. Their concern, while usually coming from a place of care, can create doubt and uncertainty in your mind.

The solution lies in developing a strong, centred approach to these pressures. First and foremost, remind yourself regularly that your standards exist to protect your well-being and future happiness. They aren't arbitrary rules but carefully considered principles that align with your values and goals. This understanding helps build resilience against external criticism.

Developing confident responses to criticism becomes easier when you're clear about your reasoning. Practice articulating why your standards matter to you in a way that's firm yet non-defensive. You might say, "I appreciate your concern, but I've thought carefully about what I need in life/relationships/career to be fulfilled." This approach acknowledges others' perspectives while standing firm in your convictions.

The key to managing external pressure is staying deeply connected to your reasons for maintaining high standards. Keep a journal or mental note of instances where your standards protected you from situations or relationships that wouldn't have served your best interests. These reminders become powerful allies when facing pressure to compromise.

challenge: loneliness

The fear of loneliness can be one of the most challenging aspects of maintaining high standards, particularly in relationships. There may be times when it seems like everyone else is coupling up, settling down, or moving forward while you remain steadfast in your standards. This situation can create doubt and emotional pressure that tests your resolve.

The solution begins with focusing on building a rich and fulfilled single life. This isn't about filling time until you meet someone who meets your standards—it's about creating a life that's inherently satisfying and complete on its own. Pursue interests that genuinely excite you, develop new skills, and engage in activities that bring you joy and satisfaction.

Perhaps most importantly, remember that compromising your standards often leads to deeper, more persistent unhappiness than temporary loneliness. Many people who have lowered their standards out of fear of being alone often find themselves in situations that leave them feeling more isolated than when they were single. True loneliness isn't about being physically alone—it's about being in relationships or situations that don't honour your values and aspirations.

The Long Term Benefits of Having High Standards

Maintaining high standards yields profound and lasting benefits that extend far beyond immediate gratification. When you consistently uphold your standards, you naturally attract and cultivate more meaningful relationships. These connections, whether romantic, professional, or platonic, tend to be deeper, more authentic, and more fulfilling because they're built on a foundation of shared values and mutual respect.

The development of greater self-respect is another significant benefit of maintaining high standards. Each time you honour your standards, you reinforce your self-worth and strengthen your personal boundaries. This growing self-respect manifests in various aspects of life, from how you carry yourself in professional settings to how you handle personal relationships.

Your life outcomes often improve dramatically when you maintain high standards. This improvement isn't just about achieving specific goals—it's about the quality of your experiences and decisions. High standards act as a filter, helping you make choices that align with your values and aspirations. This alignment naturally leads to better opportunities, stronger relationships, and more satisfying achievements.

The sense of increased personal satisfaction that comes from maintaining high standards is immeasurable. There's a deep contentment that comes from knowing you've stayed true to your values and haven't compromised on what matters most to you. This satisfaction extends beyond specific achievements to encompass your overall life journey.

Perhaps most importantly, maintaining high standards helps develop a stronger sense of self. You gain clarity about who you are, what you value, and what you want from life. This self-awareness becomes an invaluable compass, guiding you through decisions both big and small with greater confidence and conviction.

embracing your high standards

Your high standards aren't a problem to fix—they're a strength to embrace. They reflect:

Your self-worth
Your values
Your vision for life
Your commitment to growth

Remember, having high standards doesn't mean you think you're better than others. It means you understand what you need to thrive and refuse to settle for less.

Conclusion: Standing Firm in Your Standards

Never apologise for having high standards. They are the compass that guides you toward the life you deserve. The right people and opportunities will meet you at your level, and the ones that don't simply aren't meant for you. Instead of questioning whether your standards are too high, ask yourself: "Are the alternatives worthy of the life I want to create?